


Goatman's One Weakness (Hot Guys)

by RedXD



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Attempt at Humor, Bdubs is just plain dumbass material, Crack Treated Seriously, Doc is petty and cocky, Etho enjoys laughing at Doc's suffering, Etho laughs his ass off the entire fic, Etho might be too chatty but idk, Fluff, Goatman - Freeform, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Minor Violence, Not Beta Read, Superheroes, The Author Regrets Everything, im sorry, not really but there's one sightly sexual joke, this is so bad, written in like an hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedXD/pseuds/RedXD
Summary: Doc is a superhero. So is Bdubs.They meet.
Relationships: Docm77 & Bdoubleo100, Docm77 & Ethoslab, Docm77/BdoubleO100, Steffen Mossner | Docm77/John | BdoubleO100
Comments: 11
Kudos: 63





	Goatman's One Weakness (Hot Guys)

**Author's Note:**

> so I came up with this au concept earlier today and then this kinda just happened really fast
> 
> I'm too lazy to edit/proofread and I haven't updated or posted any new fics in a while (So much is happening rn from illness issues to school to other projects so sorry bout that) so have this mess
> 
> If you guys like the concept, i may write more for this au (and or) give you guys the details of the au and headcanons for it

Doc coughs, peeling his sticky mask from his face as he collapses onto his bed.

His line of work is considered… unique.

It’s not everyday that you get bitten by a mass of heavily chemical stuffed goats and begin to be able to do inhuman things.

It started two and a half years ago.

He had been working on a farm like facility for a few weeks and when he was tending to the goats, he got attacked.

A week later he learned his skull was as tough as ten brick walls. A couple days after that discovery, he realized he could understand other animals, especially mammals. After a bit, he learned he could talk to them in return.

Another week passed when he discovered he could grow goat horns. After a small panic attack, he figured out how to get the horns to retreat into his head and how to grow them at will. It took a week or two of constant practice to get the hang of.

By the end of the month he’d gotten the hang of all the weird new quirks he had.

His dad had taught him growing up how to defend himself. He learned how to shoot a gun and the basics of martial arts.

He didn’t do anything at first.

Then two years ago, his mom got attacked and his rage took over.

They found his body strung up to an alley wall with a knife in his heart, keeping him up.

Now he’s considered a hero. Some consider him a vigilante. A lot of mixed opinions.

Doc is known as Goatman, a stupid name some reporter came up with that simply stuck and now he’s grown to enjoy the simple stupidity of it. Call it his inner child or his inner theatre kid, but he enjoys his new late night hobby.

He helps people. He hurts those who deserve it. He stopped killing people after the first kill. Now he only kills when absolutely necessary.

Of course, being a well known superhero comes with a few issues.

Lying is now his most common way of communicating with his own mom. It’s for her own good though, she’d panic if she knew of his hobbies. Now that he lives on his own, at least he doesn’t have to sneak around her… which is nice.

One person did find out though. His best friend Etho.

Turns out, Etho was exactly what he needed.

Said male is talented with a computer and is the hacker that helps Doc out most nights. Etho also has a weirdly good ability as a non-professional assassin, but they try not to delve into that fact often.

It’s another late night this time.

Doc sits on the rooftop of an apartment complex. He stares out at the roads and buildings ahead. Usually, the most crime and petty criminals arise around this area, so he sits here for a while till it reaches 10:50 pm and he starts to move about at a faster rate.

The watch implemented into the suit that Etho helped him make tells him it’s 10:28 currently. He has around 20 minutes left to wait.

Tonight seems almost annoyingly silent. He doesn’t want people getting hurt, but that doesn’t stop his boredom.

Out of pure lonely misery, he sees if Etho isn’t busy.

“Hey Slab?”

Slab is the codename they jokingly decided a while back for when Doc addresses Etho as Goatman.

After a long, dreadful moment:

“Huh? What is it?”

“There’s nobody. I might as well just start my full patrol early.”

The Canadian hums quiet and sweet for a few seconds before laughing softly.

“I wouldn’t recommend leaving. I’m on the city cameras. It looks like there’s commotion coming your way.”

_Finally._

He drags out his voice, his German accent only adding to the slow speech.

“Thank god.”

Etho snickers and mocks offense, “I can’t believe the great _Goatman_ is thanking god for there being crime tonight. So unexpected.”

Doc grumbles, “Shut up and just tell me what you see Slab.”

Said male lets out one last airy laugh before Doc can hear the light clicking of his keyboard.

“Wait- What the-“

_I swear if he’s messing with me again…_

“What is it?”

Etho types faster, “I see someone else. Someone new… They look like another superhero. Must be a new one though, I don’t recognize the suit at all.”

_Another superhero?_

_In this_ city _?_

_In_ my _city?_

_Excuse me?!_

Hot red anger fills the creases on his face as he frowns behind the mask of his suit.

“Just tell me the details. A newbie is sure to get scared off during a true fight.”

He hears a sigh through his earpiece.

“Okay.”

“There’s two guys in all black. One has a gun and bag, the other has a gun as well along with a taser. The two are in the small space beside a bank. It looks like one of those mostly digitally secured ones. The new superhero seems to be following them from behind. For all we know, they could also be a part of the robbery plan, but I heavily doubt it.”

_I bet the newbie thinks he’s all cool right now. I can’t wait for them to watch me swoop in and do all the work before them._

Doc has Etho guide him to the bank and he jumps from the higher up roofs onto a lower one across the street from the bank.

His eyes lower upon the two petty thieves as they creep towards the glass doors and windows.

_Where’s the newbie?_

“Etho, I don’t see any newbie.”

“They’re hidden behind the criminals.”

_Oh… that’s actually… smart…_

_But they’re probably doing a shitty job._

The two thieves suddenly rush forward and shoot the glass windows, shards exploding outwards as each window is shot and shattered.

_Fuck-_

Doc’s fists close and he darts down the building he’s on, dashing towards the bank.

A small white figure blocks his path and he initially uses his heel as a brake to avoid harming someone.

_Wait— is that-_

His eyes are wide as small daggers knock both guns, along with the taser out of the hands of the two thieves.

Blood rushes to his face in a heavy mixture of frustration and embarrassment.

_I was going to deal with those._

_Who does this stupid n-_

Every thought, word, _anything_ quite literally vanishes from his mind as the new superhero finally comes fully into view.

Even Etho is stunned, not speaking at all. Or maybe Doc is just unable to hear him.

He realizes he _definitely_ can’t hear him because he’s pretty sure he can’t hear anything at all.

All sounds are collectively disappearing besides the thudding of his heart.

The white figure is short. Almost impressively so. By the shape and curves and _tight as in really fucking tight and oh goat mother god of what the fuck is it just him or does that look really tight_ spandex, he can assume the newbie is most likely male.

White spandex covers the hero from the tops of his neck to his feet and a large white facemask with a second layer of see through white fabric covers his face up to the edges of his forehead. Black fabric forms two separate, huge eyes onto the mask. A red bandana pushes long, messy locks of dark brunette hair out of his face. More see through white fabric decorates the edges of the suit, making him look like a ghost.

The ghost hero throws small, pointed daggers from a light gray belt around his waist across at the thieves. They both get hit in the arms or legs, collapsing to the ground in shock.

Speedily and quietly, the newbie raises his arm and flicks his wrist around. Bricks and shards of glass follow his fingers movement, melding together into two makeshift pairs of handcuffs.

_HOLY SHIT-_

Blood from his cheeks begins to battle with a mess of more blood rushing through his body. Some of it doesn’t know where to go, while quite a lot of it seems a bit happy to go to his face. It warms within moments.

Suddenly Etho’s voice reaches his ears.

“-oc?! What’s wrong-“

“Fuck I’m gay.”

That catches Etho off guard.

“I- WHAT?!” Etho all but cackles and Doc swears he hears the Canadian fall out of his chair.

_Asshole._

“I meant- I’m a goat- or Goatman- I’m Goatman- Obviously. Why are you laughing _harder_?! Asshole I swear to god-“

A wonderfully addictive voice interrupts him. It’s smooth like honey, sticking to Doc in a strange way, but he isn’t complaining.

“Thanks for not helping. What? Were you scared?”

Every gay and flushed cell of blood leaves his face as he understands the words.

_This actual nuisance-_

Doc growls, coming to his senses and towering over the tiny, increasingly annoying newbie.

He scoffs, “I was more shocked at your lackluster performance. Sad to say I expect better from people.”

The little ghost squawks, “Well _I_ expect so called ‘Top Notch’ heroes to actually _try._ My bad for expecting anything worthwhile from someone whose symbol is a _goat_.”

The anger is back fully and it spirals, growing much worse.

“Says you! What are you even supposed to be? A marshmallow or a cum splatter?!”

Etho cackles harder in his ear.

Even without seeing his face, Doc hears the extra indignation and embarrassment in the shorter’s voice.

“Are you a crazy goat idiot?! I’m obviously a ghost!”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Doc smirks beneath his mask.

“Well YOU-“ The other starts.

Then he stops talking and after a moment, he sighs.

“Yeah yeah I’m on my way.”

With that, the small hero dashes away, on the move.

_That was abrupt._

Silence.

And then:

“On the brightside it’s 11:00 pm now. You can start patrol.”

“Right right.”


End file.
